A guide to correcting well...

It’s easy to try to appear righteous when someone is doing something you think is wrong and say that you are mostly concerned about God or them. But it is important that you evaluate whether or not the reason you are worked up has more to do with you and what you want. 

Who are you really concerned about?

In Galatians 5:26, Paul identifies three ways we respond to other people’s mistakes and sins when we are focused on ourselves. 

“Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”

When someone else sins and we are primarily concerned about ourselves we sometimes respond by feeling like we are better than them. Their sin becomes an opportunity for us to promote ourselves.  Now that doesn’t make sense.  When someone else trips, it doesn’t make sense to look at them and say, hey look at me, I didn’t trip.  That’s nothing to be proud about. But if we are focused on ourselves when we see someone else sinning, somehow that becomes a real temptation for us. We can become conceited.  Perhaps they are struggling with parenting, and we see that, and think, oh man, look at my kids and look at their kids, I am must be so much better than they are. That leads us to try to get involved and tell them what we think they should do.

Another sign we are mostly concerned about ourselves is when we find ourselves provoking the other person. When someone sins, instead of thinking about how it impacts their relationship with God and how it impacts them, sometimes all we can think about is how it impacts us. We start giving that person a hard time and irritating them. Perhaps think about a time when your spouse has done something that you think is wrong and embarrassed you. When you are mostly concerned about yourself, what do you do? Sometimes you go after them, tease them, poke at them, provoke them.

A third place you might look is whether or not you are envious of them. While this might sound strange at first, think about what happens when you are self-focused. Instead of rejoicing for someone when they get noticed for doing something well, you begin to be bothered by them and start thinking to yourself, I wonder why they get to enjoy that when I don’t? What happens next is that you usually begin seeing all kinds of faults in them that might not even really be there. If this seems far-fetched, imagine one of your classmates or colleagues being given a position of leadership. Isn't it tempting to start seeing faults you never saw before when he was just your friend? Once he’s in a position above you, suddenly that’s all you can see, and that’s sometimes because you are jealous and not so much because of what he’s actually doing. 

Who concerns you most?

We need to correct others, but if we are going to do it well, it’s important to be honest with yourself first. What's motivating you? When you see someone doing something you think is wrong, don't start by focusing on them, but on yourself. You are concerned, yes, but why? Is it because you are proud? Is it because you want to get the other person back for something they did to you? Is it because you wish you had what they had right now?

Because, if this is really what is motivating you to go to correct, you need to stop and repent. You might be right about what other person is doing wrong, but you'll be wrong in the way you try to help.