Helping Our Children Learn Contentment

What do you want for your children? Why do you want it?

We are being told a lot things we should want for our children. We should want them to have a good education. We should want them to get a good job. We should want them to make a good income.

While those may not all be wrong things to want for our children, they are definitely not the main thing we should be wanting. Besides all the different biblical reasons this is short-sighted, think practically! At first, we might imagine a good education, a good job, a good income makes a comfortable life. But if we think a little more deeply, we have to ask does it? After all, we’ve all known people with all those things who weren’t experiencing joy. We’ve also met people without any of those things who were very happy.

The truth is comfort doesn’t come from comfortable things. It comes from an inner attitude called contentment. Helping our children learn contentment should be a greater priority for us as parents than helping them succeed financially. Contentment honors God. It is good for them. It’s a command. It can protect them from temptation. It enables them to experience joy in every circumstance. If you love your children, you will want to help them pursue contentment. But how?   

Understanding Contentment from a Biblical Perspective

First of all we have to make sure we understand what contentment is. Contentment is more than just bearing up under difficult circumstances. It’s an active virtue that stems from a deep trust in God’s sovereignty. The Apostle Paul talks about contentment in Philippians 4:11-13, where he says he has learned to be content in whatever state he finds himself, whether in need or in abundance. This is the kind of contentment we want to teach our children—a joyful gratitude toward God that is not dependent on external circumstances but is deeply rooted in faith.

One of the most profound definitions of contentment comes from the Puritan writer Jeremiah Burroughs, who described Christian contentment as “that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.” You might take some time to unpack each one of the words in that explanation. But you can see he’s talking about what is going in your heart as a result of your faith in God. Contentment is an inner peace and strength that comes from knowing that God is in control and that His plans for us are good, even when life doesn’t go the way we want.

It is not about complacency or lacking ambition. There is a place for holy discontent, especially when it comes to wanting more of God and His presence in our lives. We want our children to be discontent with the brokenness of this world and to long for the better world that God promises. However, we must also teach them the right kind of contentment—one that is rooted in trust in God and gratitude for His provision.

Practical Steps for Teaching Contentment to Your Children

And make no mistake, you are going to have to teach them.

I realize you are not able to produce the supernatural quality of contentment in someone else. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. If your children struggle with laziness, would you simply allow them to continue down that path? No. While you recognize your limitations, you still accept some responsibility to guide your children the right direction. The same is true with being content. What are some steps you can take ?

Model Contentment Yourself: As parents, the best way to teach contentment is to model it. If we are constantly grumbling about what we don’t have or are always chasing after the next big thing, our children will pick up on that. On the other hand, if we express gratitude for what we have and demonstrate contentment in our daily lives, our children are more likely to do the same. I think one of the biggest lessons our family ever learned in contentment was watching my wife’s response to chemotherapy. She did not pretend like it was not difficult, was honest about what she was experiencing, but refused to complain and looked for opportunities to be thankful and we were deeply impacted as a result.

Teach Your Children to Trust God’s Provision: Contentment is deeply tied to trust in God. We can experience peace and joy because we know who God is and what God is doing. Our children aren’t going to be able to content if they don’t know God. So teach them about God’s character. Talk to them about why He’s trustworthy. Tell them stories from the Bible and from your own life that help them see that God is in control and that He will provide what they need.

Address Discontentment When It Arises: When your child expresses discontentment, use it as a teaching moment. Ask them why they are discontent. When they point toward a particular circumstance as the cause, lovingly challenge them to think deeper and consider what is going on in their own heart. Train them to speak honestly about why they are grumbling. When you are tempted to be discontent, view it as an opportunity to talk to your children about what is going on in your heart and how you are fighting against it. Without minimizing their different disappointments, show them how to creatively think about different blessings God is bringing through those trials.  Encourage them to thank God for His provision and to trust Him, even when they don’t get everything they want.

Cultivate Humility: Humility is a key component of contentment. Every good thing seems bigger when you are humble. Every difficult thing seems bigger when you are proud. If we think we deserve something good, we are upset when we don’t get it. When we understand that we don’t deserve anything and that everything we have is a gift from God, it’s easier to be content.  The world in which we live is teaching our children to think about themselves and what they deserve in a delusional way. Teach your children a biblical perspective instead. Help them to know while they are a creature made in the image of God, they are not God and that thinking and living as if they were is going to produce great discouragement.

Help Them Understand the Nature of Desire: We are like broken wanting machines. We want the wrong thing. We want the right thing the wrong way. We want more than we need. If our children are going to learn to be content, they are going to have to learn to think biblically about what they want. Help your children understand how good desires can become bad desires. Encourage them to think about how to handle their wants. Talk with them about how you process biblically your own desires. Help them think about what to do when they want the wrong thing, how to identify when a good desire has become a sinful desire, and how to develop godly desires and find satisfaction in the right things.

Encourage an Eternal Perspective: It’s easier to be content right now when you know what’s coming. Talk to your children about how short our lives on earth are right now and how long are lives will be after we rise from the dead. Talk to them about how you are learning to view the world with a pilgrim’s mindset. When they are tempted to focus in on the here and now, we need to encourage them to stop and replace those thoughts with biblical ones. Read stories with them about people from the past who lived for eternal rewards. Encourage them when they make sacrifices for the cause of Christ.

Conclusion

It’s not easy to be content, much less teach our children how to be content. If Adam and Eve were discontent in a perfect world, it’s not surprising it is a struggle for us now. But pursuing contentment is important. In a world that is constantly teaching our children to be discontent, we need to show them a better way. We also need to pray. We ask God for many things for our children. If we really do care about our children’s future good, we must make a priority out of asking Him to give them the gift of contentment.