Helping Your Children Learn to Listen: A Guide for Parents
One step to being a good parent is knowing what you're doing. It’s hard to do anything well if you have no idea what it is that you are supposed to do. When we talk about being a father or mother we're talking about more than just having babies, we're talking about parenting those babies. What does a parent do?
In Ephesians 6, Paul talks to dads and moms. He tells parents there is something they must not do. Don't provoke your children to anger. Then he tells them what to do. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. We have a responsibility to bring our children up. This means we must to be active in raising them. The way we do that is by bringing them up in discipline and instruction. Though we might thinking of discipline in a negative manner, it’s a word for educating our children in a Christian worldview. As parents we must help our children learn a biblical way of looking at the world. In other words, one of our fundamental jobs as a parent is to be a teacher.
God helped us know what to teach our children by inspiring the wisest man in the Old Testament to write a book about what he taught his son. One of the first things he tells us we must teach our children is how to listen.
The Importance of Listening
It’s remarkable how often the writer of Proverbs stresses the importance of listening.
“Hear my son your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.” (Proverbs 1:8)
“If you receive my words and treasure up my commandments within you, making your ear attentive to wisdom.” (Proverbs 2:1)
“My son do not forget my teaching but let your heart keep my commandments.” (Proverbs 3:1)
Proverbs not only tells children to listen, it shows them how valuable it is.
It is something that can make them beautiful..
It’s through listening that a child can learn to fear God.
Listening can enable them to live a peaceful life.
It can actually cause them to live longer.
Clearly one of the most crucial skills you can impart to your children is the ability to listen. Listening is foundational for their growth, wisdom, and ability to navigate life effectively. When we teach our children to listen, we're not just asking for their attention; we're preparing them for a life of wisdom, peace, and reverence for God.
The Importance of Teaching Listening
One reason Solomon has to tell his son to listen so often is because children are naturally bad listeners. They are easily distracted, their minds often wander, and they struggle to grasp the importance of what’s being said. It's not uncommon for children to interrupt, misinterpret, or focus on trivial matters when something significant is being discussed. Children are naturally self-centered, often more interested in their thoughts and desires than in what others have to say. It's not just about them being distracted; it’s also about their innate inclination to be at the center of attention. Ultimately, teaching children to listen requires more than just helping them develop new habits. It involves helping them see the difference the gospel should make on the way they look at the world.
Teaching Children to Listen
But where we can start? One important step is to help them understand why listening is important. This can be done by showing them the benefits of listening as outlined in God’s Word. Proverbs doesn’t just command children to listen; it explains the rewards of listening—long life, peace, and a deep relationship with God. We need to do the same. Instruct and motivate!
Don’t make listening about you. As parents, it’s crucial to cultivate an environment where God’s Word is the ultimate authority. This is not about making your life easier. This is not about what mom or dad wants. This is not about parents imposing their will on their children. This is about trusting and submitting to God’s plan for how families should work.
If we are going to expect our children to listen, we should make sure we have something beneficial to say. God intends a parent’s instruction to be beneficial to their children. It’s not so you can finally have someone to tell what to do. It’s for their spiritual good. If you make your children listening to you about you, you are going to make it weird. The reason they should learn to listen to you is because you are wise, you love them, and you have been placed in their lives by God to help them learn how to live a life that brings Him glory.
One practical approach is to start teaching your children to listen at a young age. Listening is a spiritual issue. It is also a skill. This is something you can teach them. While you can’t cause them to want wisdom, you can help them learn the habit of listening. Simple strategies like ensuring they make eye contact when you’re speaking, asking them to repeat back what they’ve heard, and gradually increasing their capacity to focus can make a big difference. For instance, if you're giving important instructions, have them stop what they're doing, look you in the eyes, listen attentively, and then repeat what you’ve said to ensure they've understood. It's also helpful to make listening fun and engaging. Incorporate listening exercises into your daily routine, such as asking them to recall details from a story you’ve read together or discussing the main points of a sermon after church. By making listening a regular practice, children begin to see it as a valuable skill rather than a chore.Beyond practical exercises, creating a listening culture at home is essential. This means modeling good listening behavior yourself. Show your children that you value their words by listening to them attentively. When they see that you take listening seriously, they’re more likely to do the same.
Not only do you want your children to learn to listen to you, you want to help them learn to listen to truth. One simple step you can take to accomplish is by valuing truth yourself. Your children should be able to look at how seriously you take listening to God speak, imitate that, and be good listeners themselves. Encourage them through your own example to prioritize listening to God’s Word and wise counsel over trivial or misleading influences.
The Church as a Training Ground
The church can also be a valuable training ground for teaching children to listen. For that to happen you will need to work at it a little. Start by having them participate in family devotions at home. The way they listen to you is practice for how they can listen at church. Encourage your children to pay attention during sermons by giving them specific tasks, such as listening for key themes or taking notes. After the service, discuss what they’ve learned. See if they can identify the main point. As you listen to the message, write down questions you can ask your children later. Talk with them how the sermon might apply to their lives. Share with them how you were convicted and challenged.
Try to set realistic expectations for your children. If you have a difficult time listening to a forty five minute sermon, imagine how difficult it must be for them. On the other hand, it is possible for them to learn to sit quietly, pay attention, and grasp the main points. If they can do it with a movie, they can do it with a sermon. But you are going to have to help them. Before you go to church, prepare them. Remind them that hearing God’s Word is more important than watching a movie. Encourage them to connect the way they sit in church to loving their neighbor. Don’t make the way they listen about what other people think about you as a parent. Instead, graciously share with them that it is about serving the people around them. Talk to them about how you are wanting them to listen. Explain the consequences if they don’t. Reward them if they do. Teaching children to listen isn’t just about discipline—it’s also about encouragement. While it’s important to correct them when they fail to listen, it’s equally important to celebrate their successes. Over time, as they mature, their ability to listen and comprehend will grow.
Conclusion: Listening as a Lifelong Skill
In the end, teaching children to listen is about more than just ensuring they follow instructions. It’s about equipping them with a skill that will serve them for life. Good listening leads to wisdom, strong relationships, and a deeper understanding of God’s will. As parents, we have the privilege and responsibility of guiding our children in this area.
But remember, listening is a skill that takes time to develop, both for children and adults. Be patient, stay consistent, and trust that your efforts will bear fruit. With God's help, you can raise children who not only hear but truly listen—children who value wisdom, seek truth, and grow into wise and godly adults.
